Ronaldo Galván
2/4/2016 02:58:08 pm
Ronaldo Galván 7-C
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Ronaldo Galván
2/4/2016 02:59:34 pm
It was the way of saying, rest in peace.
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 04:23:52 am
Wow, Ronaldo! This steampunk story is thrilling, unexpected, and fun. Check your past tense conjugations, but more than anything keep writing and publishing stories! Good work.
Dana Mejia
2/4/2016 05:00:50 pm
Once there was a family that lived in the Northern Part of Seattle, a crowded city or as they call it the city that never sleeps. Mr.Bermont, the father, was a scientist that spended all day working in his fantastical and enormous lab, where he had all this vials that holded every chimical that existed, which smelled gross. Annie, the daughter, was an only child, whithout her mom she didn’t had any company since her father was always on his lab. So, she always asked her father if she could have a pet, and he insisted because he didn’t like them.
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 04:26:47 am
Good start here, Dana, but what happens next?! You've described the exposition, problem, and one rising action... What about the climax, falling actions, and resolution? Also, check your spelling and past tense conjugations.
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Juan Diego Sanz (not complete story)
2/4/2016 06:26:00 pm
My name is Arlond Stoner. I was a fighter pilot for the U.S army, and I am going to tell you a fantastical story, it had a lot of harsh moments but it is truly one to remember. It was supposed to be a normal patrol flight, me and my crew were supposed to check the northen coast of Alaska incase there were German troops in the sea. Our military leaders were very worried that the Germans, commanded by Hitler, would attack our Navy base in the Alaskan dock. We took of from the Boston Airport. Our team was composed of a flight lieutenant, two soldiers and me, the leader, we all had small patrol planes. When we got to the Alaskan coast, there was a heavy blizzard which made it difficult to see anything at all. We had to speak with our wakie- talkies to stay together. “Turn your night lights on so we can see each other and stay together” I said. The rest of my crew turned their lights on and now at least we could stay together. We flew around the area for about one hour and saw nothing. So we decided to head back to base to report our mission. We were over the forests when a loud BOOM was heard down below. All I could see was smoke coming from the lieutenant’s plane “I’VE BEING HIT! I’VE BEING HIT!” screamed the leuitenant.. I moved upwards to see were I was going, the lieutenant’s left wing was missing and all I could do was watch him fall down to his death…It was horrible, I assure you we all heard him screaming on his wakie - talkie like no one ever screamed before and then there was an explosion. I couldn’t believe it, one of my men had just died in front of me. In the first time with enemy contact. Suddenly I saw them, a squad of about 6 Nazis with RPG’s were pointing up at our planes. In a matter of seconds my two other men crashed into the forest. I wasn’t reacting, all of this happened in less than thirty seconds. The gunshots made me react, I dove and flew as fast as the engines would let me towards the front. But it wasn’t fast enough. One of the missiles got me. The motor started to fail and I was going down fast, very fast. I parachuted out of the plane just in time before the plane crashed. Incredibly, the malicious Nazi didn’t see me parachute out of the plane, so the didn’t follow me. It wasn’t the best landing I’ve had, because a hit a tree and was left hanging in the air with the parachute stuck in a tree branch. I must have been about fifteen feet of the ground, because when I broke my line in the parachute, I fell down and… “ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” I screamed as loud as my lungs allowed me to. My ankle just twisted, it was the most unimaginable pain I’ve ever felt. When I saw my foot, all I saw was that it was facing the opposite direction. So there I was, in the middle of a blizzard with a twisted ankle.
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 04:29:29 am
Good start, here, Juan Diego! I really like your setting, characters, and the problem you've presented, but now what? What happens next? On the story map, you've barely gotten to the rising actions. What about a climax, falling actions, and resolution? Also, don't forget to write with paragraphs.
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Axel
2/4/2016 06:52:11 pm
The Call of the Wild
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Ms. Nina (Me)
2/8/2016 04:32:49 am
Wow, good story, Axel! I like how you interweave John's diary entries with 3rd-person narration. I think the last few sentences were cut off from your post. Copy-and-paste them as a reply. Good job!
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Maria Laura
2/8/2016 08:05:33 pm
Hey Axel! I love your story!! You really know how to grab the readers attention. I did notice that at the end of your story there is something missing. Is the story missing something? Even if it is missing the ending, what is posted on the website is amazing!! Congrats! Well, I really like how you balance to use diary entries and third person narrations; anyway I do feel like sometimes the transitions are not soft enough.
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Mariela
2/11/2016 02:48:39 am
I love your story, I also loved that you made it a diary. Good ending!
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Axel
2/11/2016 02:12:58 pm
The temperature was really low over there, but now I am finally here and everything is back to normal. This experience is surely an experience I am looking forward to doing again, but before thinking about exploring once again, I will enjoy some time in my home.
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Juan Emilio Geara
2/5/2016 10:02:29 am
A series of bad Events 2
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 04:50:00 am
Hahaha! Great story! This is so fun and terrible at the same time. It's steampunk absurdist, in the best sense. Next time, check your spelling and grammar before publishing, but keep writing fun stories like this!
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Omar Licairac
2/5/2016 10:04:05 am
The New Aron Ralston
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Omar Licairac
2/5/2016 10:09:32 am
to think about what I could do and I thought of this, “I burn the cabin with a torch and the wolves in it.” I looked at my bag of supplies and found some left over weeds. “Lets use weeds, stones and my hatchet to make small fire. The fire also would help me make it through the night. It was nighttime and I lit the fire and saw how the cabin went ablaze. I heard the wolves crying out for help, but even they knew that there was no way they could escape. You could smell the wolves’ rotting flesh as the cabin burned to the ground.
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 04:47:36 am
Wow, Omar, I love this story! You included great descriptions that really place me in the middle of the situation, and, most of all, I love your climax. The realization that the character comes to in order to solve his problem is unexpected and fresh. Nice work!
Manuel Perez
2/5/2016 10:04:53 am
Manuel Perez Santoni 7-C
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 01:14:32 pm
LOL! This is the only story so far that has made me laugh out loud. Fun story, but there are some pretty major holes in your story, such as from where is he getting all the bombs and the giant net? How does he react to his entire family dying? Next time, be sure to add details like that.
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Diego Marranzini
2/5/2016 10:05:15 am
Jeff and his Dreams 2
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Ms. Nina (Me)
2/8/2016 01:18:05 pm
Awesome sequel to your first children's story! In the beginning, describe how sad, depressed, and melancholy Jeff is about his grandpa dying. Describe this more so that it makes more sense why it's necessary for his dad to bring the street to Jeff. Let's sit down to review your grammar before you send this to the printer. Nice work!!
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Maria Laura Cochon
2/6/2016 11:32:58 am
“Hey what does this mean?” asked Anna. Some type of fantastical machine was impregnated with steam and brimming boiling water. It seemed like some type of maniacal invention, part of a sinister plan to murder a certain someone. It was 1793 in South Dakota. It felt chill but the restless machine made the temperature rise. "Hey sis, I need help! It looks like this machine is about to blow the house," yelled Anna. Anna’s big sister Raegan adored creating absurd inventions, which she thought, might help humanity at some point in time. The engine started making weird noises. Chin! Chock! Wee Woo! Pooch! Anna became tremendously terrified; she glanced back and grabbed the first phone she saw. Indeed, it was her mom’s new iPhone. “ I mustn’t drop it,” she thought. She dialed 911 to realize that there was no balance. “Seriously mom...” she said through her teeth. What was she going to do? While she started thinking a crescendo beeping started to make her anxious. “Will it explode?” she questioned. As the beeping got more intense Anna did as well. She was just waiting for something to happen. She started to foreshadow her death, as the machine began to shake and send more smog into her face. She could taste her death, sour as lemon. The sweat drops running down her cheeks. It all made sense now, the girls from her class were jealous, so they wanted to get rid of her. They asked Raegan to create something that would exterminate her right away, because Anna didn’t lend her gown to Raegan she accepted doubtless. And there she was, standing in front of a malicious gadget, which would end with her life. If that's what the future held for her, she must take it, she had no option. She could already feel the soft touch of heavenly angels carrying her soul away. As she grew inpatient the beeping became madly fast. Suddenly all of it stops. And a constant beep began once more, like a count down. Anna squeezed her eyes leaving enough space for her to appreciate her death. She hunched over, flexed her knees and covered her pale face with her big, sweaty, colorless hands. Beep beep beep, beep beep, beeeeep! It was all down to this moment. The machine made some adjustments getting ready to do something, but what? Without warning all the lights went out and a cloud of smoke filled the air. Anna saw some recognizable shadow, with the exact shape of her favourite gown, approximating. Something red and shinny lit up the room. A small particle of light got it’s way in through the window crack, just enough to contemplate a hand pressing a huge red button. Pling! The lights went back on and a pair of toast popped out of the mystical engine. “Do you like it!” exclaimed Raegan. It wasn’t a nefarious invention of Raegan’s. It was a gadget to heat up bread. “Sure,” answered Anna with a shaky voice.
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Ms. Nina (Me)
2/8/2016 01:21:20 pm
HA! I love this story!! You employ excellent vocabulary, and all of the parts of a story. Next time, be sure to write in paragraph form. Fantastic job!!
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Ronaldo Galvan
2/9/2016 01:27:21 pm
HAHAHA! It was so funny! I loved it. I liked the way everything was so suspense and it was just a piece of bread warming up. Great job Maria Laura, keep going!
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Mariela Lehermayr
2/7/2016 07:59:47 am
The Upsidedown
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Jose Manuel Fernandez
2/7/2016 11:11:27 am
Extreme nature
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Ms. Nina
2/8/2016 01:30:33 pm
Wow, that is a thrilling story! I love the unexpected turn of events at the end. Awesome twist, climax, and resolution! Next time, be sure to spell and grammar check before publishing. Overall, keep up the great storytelling!
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Jorge Santos
2/7/2016 05:54:58 pm
On January 26, Jeffrey Humington had a flight to Switzerland. Jeffrey worked in a chocolate factory in Philadelphia. His trip was to northwest Switzerland, actually to the most famous chocolate factory in the world: Toblershey's. Toblershey's made milk chocolate, dark chocolate, sugar-free chocolate and cookies and cream chocolate. Jeffrey's boss, Ryan, had sent him Switzerland to negotiate the trading price of the cacao between Toblershey's and Ryan's company.
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Ms. Nina (Me)
2/8/2016 01:34:31 pm
Good story, Jorge! I especially like the creative details about the chocolate factory and the scene on the plane -- you included some great descriptions!
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Michelle
2/8/2016 01:26:51 pm
The Kitty Cat's Big Revenge
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Manuel G.
2/9/2016 07:19:24 am
This Revolution is Dead
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Ms. Nina (Me)
2/9/2016 07:23:16 am
Fun story, Manuel! I really like the concept and the names. In your story, you have presented an exposition and problem, but no climax, falling actions or resolution. What happens next?
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Ronaldo Galvan
2/9/2016 01:38:04 pm
I like your story Manuel. It is very cool. I like the detail that the Earth is trapped in time.
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Francisco Cavoli
2/10/2016 01:48:46 pm
Carnivore Cat
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francisco cavoli
2/10/2016 06:05:12 pm
s lincoln burrows, all i do is sleep, eat, and play, and i wish that changed one day.
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francisco
2/10/2016 06:07:07 pm
Carnivore Cat
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francisco cavoli I'm sorry for publishing this story so much this is the one
2/10/2016 06:15:14 pm
Carnivore Cat
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valeria
2/11/2016 03:20:53 am
Dear Diary,
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valeria
2/11/2016 05:03:45 pm
Dear Diary,
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Valeria
2/11/2016 05:05:42 pm
When I ate this disgusting bark started giving me a horrible stomachache it was getting worse every second. I started throwing up slimy green chunks of food.
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